as pure as the driven slush

OK… so the last post was a to be continued one…

A couple of years ago I was looking for a sublet in South Beach as we were renovating the one on 16th and Collins. I really wanted for us to live in “the Flamingo” and my little heart started to race as soon as I saw an ad on Craigslist temporarily/ sublet section,  from a guy looking to sublet his 2 bedroom apt. in the Flamingo for at least 3 months for a very good price.

The catch??

I’d have to take care of his fiance’s dog ’till they’d come back. Well as you know I ♥ dogs and back then I still had my dog Menno so really… taking care of his fiance’s adorable dog was just  a BONUS for me.

Anyway, we did the interview and a couple of days later he called me to let me know that they ‘picked’ me and he asked me to stop by again to go over the rules, I met the dog etc. Needless to say I was ecstatic!

The third time we met was when I had to sign the papers and get the keys. I remember it well… it was a Friday and I couldn’t really sleep the night before. I went over to Mr. Simon Templar and we took care of business. He casually asked me for cash instead of a check and I had no problems with that at all. I just really wanted the place. I got the keys and the story was that I was gonna move in on Monday morning…

We shook hands and I wished him a pleasant trip to Europe and promised him I’d take real good care of his dog. The moment I left I got this really weird feeling coming over me… and it started to rain… I just knew something wasn’t right…

So I get home and start googling his phone number [he called me from a different number that day] and low and behold a couple of new ads popped up on BackPage and Craigslist… for the same apartment! As soon as I tried googling his name “Simon Templar“  I knew I was played.

accordingly to wikipedia:

Simon Templar is a thief known as the Saint because of his initials (ST), and because his heroic exploits fly in the face of an otherwise nefarious reputation.

So what was I supposed to do? I knew my ex would have made my life hell if I would have told him what happened. He’d make me feel like an idiot and prob. call me names and yell at me for days…  That was just not an option…

I called my girlfriends and explained to them what happened and asked them to call him and try to make an appointment to see the apartment. Some of them tried others just didnt have the balls to call him. The only one he called back is my Brazilian friend Pam. Pam is the sweetest girl ever but just not the brightest crayon at times and he most likely picked up on that plus her accent made her a great candidate for his scam. They made an appointment for 7 pm that night. He casually told her to bring money if she was serious on taking it.

My heart was racing… this motherfucker had some balls!

I called G.,  told him what was going on and this is what he told me:

” M. don’t worry… I am on the Beach, I have my badge, gun and handcuffs on me and I’ll be there in 15 minutes to come pick you up and we’ll get your money back. Don’t worry”

This was just what I needed to hear. I had my friend G. behind me. So comes 6.45 he picks me up and we head over.  The plan was for me to stand in the lobby while Pam. calls Simon to come on down to meet her. As soon as Simon walked out of the elevator, I’d turn around and greet him. This would be a sign for G. that that is Simon and from thereon he’d take over.

The plan worked out perfectly… Simon walked out… I walked up and greetd him. He was a bit surprised to see me there, but the Flamingo is a party building and it was Friday night so it was packed in the lobby and I told him I had some friends living there that had a party… so he wasnt too concerned to see me. He kept on looking for Pam though, but she obviously did not show.

Meanwhile G. walks up to Simon, flashes his badge and tells him : ” We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the heard way… it’s your choice buddy ” .

G. is a 6.2 feet tall Puerto Rican with olive skin a shaved head and a muscular/ ripped body…. pretty intimidating… and I am not talking about the gun and badge he carried.

Simon chose to sit down on a couch next to me with G. facing him. All I wanted to do was yell at the asshole and ask him why?? I did not deserve that because I am really a nice person. I wanted to hit him and shake him and a lot of other things. G. saw the anger in my eyes and told me to be quiet before I could even start.

Simon told Greg he had no money on him and that they would have to go to the cashpoint. That was no problem, there was one in the lobby. I had to stay on the couch. Of course once they were at the cash point Simon changed his mind and he told G. it was in his apartment, so G. told me to stay put and be calm while they’d go upstairs.

It took long and I was scared shitless. Seriously… I am not stupid [ahumI know I might seem that way sometimes... but I am really NOT ] so I was very relieved to see G. walk out of the elevator 15 min. later with a smile on his face.

G. told me that once they were in Simon’s apt. he got  “smart” with G. and tried to pull a gun. He saw that and tried to handcuff Simon but then he realized he didntbring the keys to the handcuffs so he tied Simon to the table with some of his own socks.

Simon was scared and cried and told G. that he got in debt with some big time drug dealers and that this was his only way out to getting hurt and that he had no more money in the apt. G. searched through everything and nearly gave up… then he saw the bible and remembered how his mom used to hide her money in there so he shook it and out came the $.

I was so happy/ excited/ scared/ shakey … full of emotions and adrenaline… I cannot even begin to describe it. We went for a drink after and he told me that he was proud of me for figuring it out, setting up the bust and staying calm… it made me feel a bit better that he told me not to feel bad for being so stupid to hand over cash…

- the end -